Reflections on a Year of Yoga

January 21, 2020 Heidi Tobe

by Heidi Tobe

Heidi and her dog Ivy on Amelia Island ,Florida, September 2019.

Heidi was the big winner of our 2019 January Challenge. Here she shares her story of growth and transformation on and off the mat.

Almost instantaneously after winning Blue Sky’s 2019 January Challenge (and free year of unlimited yoga), I found myself unintentionally setting goals in my head: perfect crow; learn to do a headstand; go to X number of classes; lose X number of pounds. The list goes on. In that moment, I caught myself making yoga a means to a number of ends of tangible, physical accomplishments. I took a pause and spent some time in reflection on what the purpose of yoga is in my life and what I wanted this amazing gift of yoga to be about. While goals of achieving certain poses are certainly not bad, I quickly realized this wasn’t the focus I really wanted for the year. I decided I did want: to make yoga a regular practice — attending at 2-4 times per week on average, choosing flexibility over rigidity — and to focus on the mental benefits of yoga, knowing that physical benefits would inherently follow. This kept my all too competitive side from kicking into gear and let me keep yoga as the thing that made me fall in love with it in the first place: a sacred space for myself with no expectation other than to show up exactly as I am.

So how have the last 12+ months of yoga been? Where have I grown? What have I learned?

Honestly, I’m not sure I know the answers to all of those things yet, but here are a few reflections from the past year:

The Practice

Yoga has become a regular part of my life. I’ve averaged 3 classes/week and it’s been a constant that I look forward to. It truly has become a part of my ‘self-care’ routine, both physically and mentally. For the most part, this means maintaining a standard practice regardless of what is happening in my life and around me. Sometimes it means taking an extra class, knowing it is what I need that day despite my brain telling me that I’ve already “done enough” that week. Other times, it means hitting my alarm clock and making the conscious decision to sleep an extra hour instead, knowing that’s what my body needs. Where formerly rigid patterns of thinking would have tried to shame me into going, yoga has taught me to truly check in with my mind and body to identify what I need that day.

The Growth

Spoiler alert: I haven’t perfected crow, and I’m nowhere near being able to get into headstand. I intentionally shy away from the more ‘power yoga’ type classes. While those nagging voices of pride try to tell me what I “should” be doing and where I “should” be at in my yoga practice, I find it much easier to squash those voices now and to let affirming, life-giving truth prevail than I did a year ago. While achieving more challenging poses is something I hope to work to at some point, it doesn’t have to be today or even this year. And while there may be a time I eagerly show up to Blue Sky’s faster paced classes, for now it’s not where I look to get in my daily workout, but where I come to get out of my mind and into my body, no expectations.

My visible progress has been subtle — going an inch or two further in chaturanga before dropping my knees; using my core to protect the lower back; twisting just a little deeper in a pose. Perhaps most importantly, though, the greater progress has been being more deeply in tune with my limits. There are more moments both when I push myself a little further as well as moments when I choose to scale back regardless of what my mat mates are doing beside me. Just last night, I was finishing a second yoga class and chose to drop into child’s pose on a few occasions. A year ago shame would have caused me to either push through when it wasn’t what my body needed or to feel embarrassed at the choice I made to go to child’s pose; today that isn’t the case. I know the decisions I make on my mat now are decisions made of one who knows herself more fully. Yoga truly is so much more about the process than the product. While my pride would like to tell me otherwise, my lived experience recognizes the truth in that statement.

The Benefit

2019 started off challenging and carried hardships and heartaches throughout the year. I’m not sure whether it was yoga, regular cardio outside the studio, personal growth, or sheer luck, but these challenges didn’t tear me down in the way I imagine they would have in previous years. Don’t get me wrong, there were some excruciating, trying moments. But where I would have let these get the best of me in the past, I let myself feel the feelings these trials brought with them and continue living in the moment and moving forward. I do think yoga played an integral part in my response to various instances throughout 2019. In yoga, we are taught — and physically practice — that nothing is permanent. Discomfort and pain pass. While we may not be able to control events that happen to us, we can choose how to respond. We can breathe through the discomfort and come out the other end just a little bit stronger for the next time a challenge arises. A year ago, I could understand these words on an intellectual level. Today, I know them on a more intimate and experiential level (though there’s always so much more room for growth).

Thank you to Blue Sky, to Annie and Erin and all of the other teachers who create this sacred space. Thank you for the tangible — 175 classes with 15 different teachers — and even more so for the intangible. Thank you to my mat mates, some who have become dear friends. This year of yoga has been one of the greatest gifts I’ve been given. I’m excited for what 2020 has in store for each of us on and off the mat.

Teacher Talk Tuesday: Meet Andrew Bayer

November 4, 2019 Guest User

Andrew Bayer on his first night in Rishikesh, India where he attended a month-long 200hr yoga teacher training immersion in February 2019.

How did you begin practicing and teaching yoga?

I started a committed practice a year and a half ago. I had just moved back to St. Louis, in the middle of a break-up, was trying to finish my undergraduate degree, and had some serious anxiety and depression that went along with that. My therapist and doctor recommended yoga or exercise to help, and it did. As my practice grew, and the closer I got to graduation, the more I realized I didn’t want to figure out what to do with my communications degree. I realized I wanted to be a yoga instructor.

So, I looked around at some different 200 hour yoga teacher trainings in St. Louis, but many of them take several months to complete. That’s fine if you already have a job, community, etc., but I was still working on obtaining all of that. One of my instructors told me I that traveling might be a good idea. So, I found a few trainings in India and ultimately decided on one in Rishikesh, on the sacred river Ganga.

Before going, I participated in the January yoga challenge at Blue Sky, which happened to be my first studio experience, and I loved it. I then spent all of February in India, and started teaching at Blue Sky in March.

How has yoga been transformational in your life?

It has given me many tools to calm myself and live a more structured, happy life. There are so many tools within the yoga system that allow us to pull from during hardships. And to transform our life, we need the niyama of svadhyaya (self study or virtuous observance) as a guide to look at what we need in our life, what other parts of yoga to look to for transformation, like asana, pranayama, meditation or a yama or niyama — the tools are all there.

What do you do to prepare for class?

I have a theme for each month based around a part of yoga philosophy. Stacy Berry ERYT500, founder of Yoga Pipeline teacher trainings and public school yoga programs, recommended this practice to me when I was experiencing a period of overwhelm. I teach many classes, so it’s hard to prepare a new, fresh class for each class, every week. So, now I have a monthly theme where poses are based around that theme. Each week is based around a certain flow, peak asana, or sequence that I’m enjoying, and then I adapt that based around the style of class I’m teaching. I spend 2-5 minutes in the beginning of class just talking on the subject of yoga philosophy for that month. I find inspiration from my personal practice, going to other classes, researching, studying and learning…always learning.

Do you have a favorite pose or movement?

My favorite asana is always changing, and I like to include my favorites in most of my classes. For the past few months I’ve been highlighting Vajrasana or Thunderbolt Pose. Typically you might see this as a transition to get to another place, but I like to keep my students in this shape and explain the benefits.

This is a little different...If you were a yoga pose what would you be and why?

When I practice, If I’m tired I might hang out in Uttanasana or Standing Forward Bend for several breaths (or minutes!). So, Forward Fold, that’s me.

What’s your favorite type of music to play while practicing?

I prefer instrumental music. In India, we didn’t listen to music during our asana practice, and I loved the quiet focus this created — just the cues, your breath and body moving. When I started teaching, I considered teaching without music, but I settled on instrumental music. Lo-Fi Beats and Sweater Weather Instrumentals are Spotify pre-made playlists I enjoy.

Does your personal practice differ from how you teach?

I practice a whole range of yoga styles, and I enjoy teaching a variety — gentle yoga, restorative, a tough vinyasa — as well. I use props during my practice, and I cue poses with props, too. I don’t like when a class is too fast-paced, and I try not to teach that way, either. I’m usually the slowest moving person in a class; I like to be in each asana for a few breaths.

How would you describe yourself? What do you want people to know about you?

I’m tall. That’s kind of my joke answer. But, it’s true. The reason I bring it up, though, is because I know this might be intimidating, practicing with a male yoga instructor who is a physical presence. But, I’m also a gentle, kind and introspective person. And I hate talking about myself, which is why the only thing I could think of is that “I’m tall.”

Outside of yoga what is your passion/Where can you be found?

I love coffee shops. I like getting coffee after yoga. I like planning classes, my week and journaling while drinking a latte.

Tell us a fun fact about yourself!

Before yoga, I was going to be an actor. I studied to become a clown (among other styles of theatre) at Dell’Arte International: School of Physical Theatre.

Anything else?

This is kind of embarrassing, but when I first started teaching, I filled out this interview, the one I am doing right now, to learn about what I believed, what I thought about yoga. I went back and looked at it in preparation for this, and it was very different. I recognize the person I was then, but I also know much more about the yoga and wellness world now. I’ve changed. And I’m trying to make the space where I teach more inclusive and am more welcoming for all people. I would like to say: Don’t be afraid to change. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. And don’t be afraid to be yourself in every moment.

I’m probably going to look back on this interview in a few months and be embarrassed, too. And that’s alright with me. See you on the mat.

Take a class with Andrew…

Wednesdays @ 4:30-5:30pm: Gentle Yoga

Thursdays @ 6-7am: Open Morning Flow

2nd & 4th Thursdays @ 5-6pm: Meditative Mix

Fridays @ 12-1pm: Flow + Stretch

Return to the Breath: A Year of Growth

February 25, 2019 Julie Kopf

What a year! I was given an incredible gift from Blue Sky Yoga that has made a lasting impact on me. Approximately one year ago, in January 2018, I walked into Blue Sky Yoga for the first time. I had been practicing yoga for years and had just completed yoga teacher training and decided to attend a class at Blue Sky Yoga. Walking in the studio I immediately enjoyed the warm atmosphere and beautiful sense of community. I was eager to begin the January challenge and enjoyed embracing a challenge for myself of 25 classes in one month. It was a busy month. And many of you saw that I was just barely getting there in time for a class to start! But, I did it. Not so I could puff up my ego, not to let the whole world know, and not with the intention of reshaping my body. I did it to further develop my practice, to experience yoga with a myriad of teachers, to infiltrate my mind, body and spirit with a sense of peace and renewal through mindful yoga practice.

I spent the last evening of January 2018 practicing yoga in two classes in order to reach my 25-class goal. That evening, as I left the studio, I drove home feeling energized as I reflected on spending the first month of 2018 gaining focus, clarity, energy, and peace. I truly felt full and grateful for the physical and emotional space to grow my practice at BSY. I was thankful for each breath I’d been given and the physical body that had allowed me to show up each day at the mat. My body was tired, but one of those good “tireds” the kind of tired that leads you to an amazing night of sleep.

The following morning I headed into work like any other day. As I pulled into the school parking lot I noticed I had a facebook notification from someone and it caught my eye. I was prompted to open it up and take a look. I kept staring at my phone in disbelief, at first not allowing myself to get excited because I might not be reading it correctly. After a double, then triple-check I realized I had won the grand prize ONE YEAR FREE Unlimited Yoga! I was beyond thrilled and bounced out of my car as I literally danced up and down the sidewalks. I began to draw a crowd as teachers gathered at their classroom windows attempting to understand what was “wrong” with me. I bolted into the school, made an announcement to staff of my winnings and continued to dance up and down the hallways, in and out of classrooms! It was a day filled with excitement and pure joy! It was just the beginning of an incredible journey!

In the first months of the year I found myself indulging in classes I’d never attended, meeting fellow yogis, and being led in practice by a variety of instructors. Each time I parked and then bounced my way to the doors of the studio, I felt a surge of gratitude. Gratitude for the space that was beginning to feel like home and the faces of those who were becoming more familiar. Gratitude for my body, my breath, and opportunities to calm my mind and accomplish a sense of grounding.

During the winter and spring months I found enormous challenges in my job. These challenges were stressful, emotionally draining and took a physical toll at times. Those who were close to me often pointed out how this gift from BSY couldn’t have come at a better time, and I agreed. After a long day at work, a day feeling defeated, I eagerly anticipated my outlet and retreat at BSY near the end of the day. During my yoga practice I was reminded to return to the breath and found myself melting into my mat, letting go of the stressors. Enjoying another opportunity to find peace, strength, and gratitude.

As the summer months approached, I began establishing a routine. There were specific classes I found myself gravitating towards and it felt strange whenever I wasn’t able to attend them. Not only was I becoming more comfortable at the studio, but I was also becoming more comfortable with myself, my practice, and my body. I was also finding a sense of balance in various areas of my life, with family, friends, responsibilities. As I pursued new career opportunities, I was eventually led to a new position in the fall. This new position was full of promise and change. I found that yoga led me to a place within myself that was healthy and strong which allowed me to prepare for the new adventures that were ahead.

Autumn isn’t typically viewed as a season of renewal. However, it was for me. New adventures, routines, and people to meet as I began a fresh new opportunity. As this renewal began in my life, it also created a space in my yoga practice. I found myself settling into the familiar space with a renewed sense of excitement and anticipation. I began pursuing a deeper sense of inner peace and stillness. I challenged myself to find a deeper sense of love…for myself and others.

As the end of my free year approached, I found myself trying to squeeze in as many classes as I could although I knew I’d be returning to BSY long after the year was completed. How could I not return to this space that has held me through so many different emotions and allowed me to experience and grow so much? My heart is full when I look back on the year I was given at BSY. It’s an experience I will always look back and remember as a time of growth and I will return to that strong sense of gratitude for the gift and opportunity.